Okama Back To Me
by Lady Emzebel
Summary: As if you'd thought the crew could get any weirder...and then they just had bring on board the flamboyant transvestite we all love best. A response to The Sacred and Profane's 'newkama' prompt. Enjoy.


Title: Okama Back to Me

Pairings: The usual implications.

Rating: T

Warnings: Language, implied sexuality, slight crack.

Disclaimer: If I owned One Piece, it would be fairly obvious who'd be next to join the crew. X3

A/N: So yeah, this is my version of The Sacred and Profane's 'Newkama' prompt. Originally I was going to do Perona, and I might still, but this came out instead.

-----X3-----

**Luffy**

It was just a grotty gay bar in a festering seaport town on the cusp of the New World, and Monkey D. Luffy had merely stepped inside it in search of meat—the wholesome, edible kind damn it!—having followed the scent all the way from the docks.

"UHWAAAAAH!"

His surprise was quite understandable when one of the leather-clad dancers untwined himself from his greasy pole and launched himself across the room, tears and snot streaming down his face to ruin his makeup.

"STRAW-CHAAAAAAN!"

The instant recognition on Luffy's part was uncharacteristic, but still very much appreciated.

"BON-CHAAAAAAN!"

They embraced fiercely, sobbing and crowing joyfully, and the other patrons of the bar erupted into applause when Luffy dragged his long-lost friend back to the Sunny to greet his new nakama.

-----X3-----

**Zoro**

After a few days of the okama's infuriating twirling, suggestive winks, and habitual goosing, Zoro had developed a tic beneath his left eye which Chopper solemnly informed him would afflict him for the rest of his life.

Upon hearing that news, the swordsman unsheathed his blood-thirstiest katana and went in search of Bentham, a manic smile twisting three sets of lips as _Asura_ took over.

Moments later, the heads vanished, the sword was suddenly sheathed, and Zoro went to his usual spot on the deck to nap in the afternoon sun.

Although he'd momentarily forgotten, Luffy's umpteenth retelling of his Impel Down adventure had reminded Zoro that the flamboyant okama had been the only one to look out for the rubber idiot and, ultimately, save his ass.

And for that, he could only be grateful.

-----X3-----

**Nami**

In the opinion of the navigator, Bentham was just one more noisy, unkempt idiot of a crewmember they could do without.

He was _loud_.

He sang and danced and twirled at the most _inappropriate_ times.

He flirted with _everybody_.

And what's more he...whipped up this wicked homemade makeup kit...that was easy to mass produce...and...and so_ cheaply_ too...

_Well, I suppose we can keep him_, Nami grudgingly admitted as she lavished upon her stockpile of newfound Beli.

-----X3-----

**Usopp**

Though the sniper acted nothing but friendly towards the okama, showing no hard feelings for the past, it could not stop Bentham from feeling gut-wrenching shame at the thought of how he had once beaten Usopp into a bloody pulp and spitefully stolen his precious sniping goggles outside the gates of Alubarna. Indeed, some days he got the distinct feeling some of his other nakama, namely the cook, still begrudged him for it.

Then the Sunny was attacked by a rival crew of pirates and while everyone else fought on the deck, Usopp was picking them off several at a time from his spot on the roof of the observation room, unaware of the enemy creeping up behind him with a spiked club.

Without warning, Bentham's ballet flat slammed into the hulking brute's temple, efficiently removing him as a contender from the battle and also as a threat to the sniper.

Though the looks of relief and approval from the rest of the crew were nice, they didn't swell his heart like the genuinely thankful smile Usopp gave him.

-----X3-----

**Sanji**

His beloved Straw-chan had wanted entertainment for himself, Usopp, and Chopper, and Bentham was only too happy to provide it. Somehow though, in pursuit of this task, he ended up stealing some of the first mate's clothes, dressing up in them, and disguising himself as Zoro before performing countless silly antics the original man would never do in a million years.

Like farting the alphabet, for example.

Bentham was chuckled to himself while the boys rolled about on the floor, clutching their sides, when the cook suddenly sauntered into the men's quarters, more than just a little bit tiddled, and draped himself across what he thought was the swordsman's broad back.

"Hey babe, wanna fuck tonight?" Sanji purred hotly into his ear, reaching around to maul Bentham's crotch as he pressed his own hard on into the back of the shapeshifter's thigh.

It was only then that the _real_ Zoro made an entrance, and it all went to shitting hell after that.

-----X3-----

**Chopper**

On the Sunny it was terrifically hard to keep a secret; the combination of blabbering mouths, courtesy of most of those on board, and over-perceptiveness, courtesy of Robin, saw to that.

However, there was _one_ aspect of privacy that could be counted upon, and that was their doctor's rigidly strict confidentiality policy. It was a rule that had been ingrained into Chopper by Doctorine, and the rule was there to stay. But despite that, it was shockingly rare that anyone came to him for medical advice beyond treatment for battle wounds.

This was why—though he'd never admit it—Chopper was secretly flattered when Bentham came to him with a matter he wished to keep very, very private.

Who knew the man would be so embarrassed by a few corns?

-----X3-----

**Robin**

Apparently, Bon Kurei had not forgotten the service the previous Miss Allsunday had done for him—that is, protecting him after he'd made the mistake of pranking the then Mr. Zero by dyeing his mink coat green—because one morning, in the library, she found a small tin of green dye and a lily next to her cup of morning coffee.

She chuckled and turned to see him peeking out at her from behind a bookcase, a wide grin stretching his painted lips.

"Happy April Fool's Day Robin-chan!"

-----X3-----

**Franky**

During his first few weeks on the Sunny, Bentham had slept on the pull-out couch in the galley.

Also known as Sanji's and Zoro's bed.

The reason for this was that a conclusion had yet to be reached for the heated debate as to whether Bon would sleep in the men's or the women's quarters. After all, he was, technically, a man—there was certainly nothing ambiguous about the contents of his pants, in any case—but he acted much more like a woman in terms of maintenance.

The problem was solved when their shipwright converted one of the more spacious storage closets into a rather fancy, albeit small, boudoir; it would seem that Franky was fostering a kindling bromance for his new dance partner.

-----X3-----

**Brook**

While the musician dearly loved making up and playing jaunty tunes for his fun-loving captain, sometimes he couldn't help but wish he would have cause to compose more soulful, more melancholy melodies so swollen with emotion they could render people to heartfelt tears.

All he needed was inspiration, but alas, where could it be found in the New World?

_Yohohohoho! Hallelujah! Praise the okamas!_ Brook sang internally as he madly scribbled down bars and notes to compliment Bentham's sensationally choreographed _Memoirs of a Winter Sky_.

-----X3-----

**Bentham**

Beyond finding Emporio Ivankof in Impel Down and releasing him so that the Okama Queen might continue his reign, Bentham had never really had a dream.

At least, not in the sense that his new nakama did.

Seeing them all racing alongside him as they led the World Government on a merry chase, Bentham knew he had a new dream. He'd sail with them all, through the New World, to Raftel and beyond, conquering East Blue, West Blue, South Blue, North Blue, hell, even All Blue, until the end of his days.

And _that_...was the Okama Way.


End file.
